Satisfaction is a funny thing (keeping it clean here, friends).
I am rarely content. There's always something I want to do, or something I don't want to do, or something I wished I hadn't done. I'm a pretty passionate, driven kind of person.
I am rarely satisfied.
Except for one day of the year. And that is my birthday. Today is my birthday.
And today I allow all the memories of joy flood my interior space. It's a day of virtual scrapbook flipping, remembering all of the people and events that have brought me to this day. And likely, if you're reading this, you're involved in one of those memories.
Even if we haven't had the pleasure of face-to-face meeting or even engaging in witty banter on social media, I'm thinking about you today and grateful that you take the time to click over to this space to see what's going on. Your clicks, your reading, and your encouragement have given me the trust that this space can flourish into something I really want it to be - a piece of heaven and a piece of me.
Indulge me here, it is my birthday, on sharing two snippets of wonder wisdom from my deep old age of 39:
1. BE GRATEFUL FOR THIS:
A very hard lesson for me to learn, but I have re-learned it again and again in my decades is to be grateful. A great saint once said, "Problems, too, have their purpose. Be grateful for them." Sometimes, most times, I hate conflict. I no longer shy away from it, but I still detest it. And what I'm oh so, so, so slowly learning is that I learn in conflict. I grow in a challenge. Even when I screw up big, life goes on. Might as well be grateful.
And so I am.
2. LIFE IS FULL OF ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES:
I live in a world and in a time when anything can happen. When seen from a negative angle, this is terrifying, but when seen from a level perspective, this is pretty exhilarating. I laugh when I think back to my little girl dreams of being a ballerina (I took one ballet class when I was 6) and being an artist. My dreams are so much bigger now, even more fantastical perhaps, but many of them are coming true. Take for example this space. Pars Caeli has given me friendships with very talented and encouraging people and given me professional opportunities that I didn't even imagine.
I have moments - maybe you do, too - where I'm physically struck by how good my life is.
I had one last week, walking in from the garage, with the smell of fresh herbs in my hands. I was struck and fell back just slightly. No one around me likely noticed.
We'd just returned from the nursery, where we went as a family, to purchase our future garden. My children come alive around plants and flowers, and they were sniffing their way around the place, running down the aisles of color, and making up songs to celebrate the joys of summer on its way. I watched my husband carefully peruse each vegetable, considering which could handle our lack of open sunshine in the backyard now that the trees we've planted are so tall and lovely.
I realized that I am living the dream that I had not fully formulated as a little girl. And I am so grateful.
Lovely people have asked me what sort of special something I'm doing for my birthday. I'm headed into work, taking a break to go to the orthodontist with C, and then heading into three hours of dress rehearsal for my daughters' ballet performance.
And, you know what? I'm just delighted. Because this is my "normal," and this is my dream.
And I am completely satisfied.